Pronouns are the canary in the coal mine

Did you ever hear the story about how Van Halen didn’t want any brown M&Ms in their dressing rooms?

It’s often held up as an example of diva behaviour. Rock stars making ridiculous requests just because they could. In reality it was a safety measure though.

They traveled with some very heavy equipment, which meant that the stage needed to conform to certain specifications. The brown M&M condition was in there as a kind of canary in the coal mine. If a venue didn’t bother to read the contract well enough (or didn’t care enough) to fish out the brown M&Ms, the band also didn’t trust that the stage was up to spec.

So, why am I telling you this? Well, I saw a writer I otherwise respect make light of people’s pronouns recently. Saying it was a ridiculously small thing to get worked up about, how we had more important problems.

As I see it though, the pronouns serve much of the same purpose as the brown M&Ms. Respecting someone’s pronouns shows you respect their identity. It shows you see the actual person, that you respect their individuality and don’t expect them to just conform to your expectations and world-view.

If you can’t be bothered to address someone in the way they’d like to be addressed, can you really be trusted with their other rights?