Enjoying solitude

I just spent 9 days riding my bike around the Netherlands. I ride alone, fully loaded as it’s often called.

I carry camping gear and some basic cooking supplies so that I can sleep at camp sites most nights. If the weather turns foul I have no qualms about booking a B&B or hotel room, but if at all possible I prefer to camp.

During my trip I met up with several people doing the same thing, but none of them were by themselves. I met several families, and a few couples but no solo travellers.

On the practical side I absolutely see their point: riding in a pair is way more efficient, since you can divide who carries what. One person takes the tent, the other the cooking gear. You’ll still need your own clothes and sleeping bags etc, but a lot can be shared.

For me the solitude is a huge part of the appeal of bike trips though. Riding my bike through nature, the only sounds the sounds of birds around me. Alone with my thoughts, my mind free to wander as it will.

A lot of ADHD resources talk about how beneficial “green time” is for people with ADHD. Being alone in nature has huge mental health benefits for us, and I feel that is at least part of what makes it work so well for me.

I think there is more to it than just that though. I also love how random people will strike up a conversation when you’re by yourself. My fully packed bike often makes for a good conversation starter. I’ve had people share stories of their own hiking trips, their experiences on a bike or just tips for nice places to visit. I really appreciate those little impromptu moments of connections.

I’m also aware though that if someone offered to keep me company or to ride together for a while I’d probably politely refuse. I enjoy the conversations, but ultimately I crave the solitude.

Now I will admit that I never really feel alone. I don’t disconnect completely from the world. I’ll text loved ones, share pictures of my trip and of sights. If I see something that I know someone in my circle will like I’ll send it to them. It makes me feel connected.

Someone once told me: “If I was by myself for so long my head would go to really dark places really quickly”. It’s a sentiment I’ve often heard, and I’m grateful that for all my struggles with anxiety that is something that doesn’t happen to me.

I’m absolutely prone to navel gazing and being by myself for hours at the time absolutely makes me contemplative. I also sing silly songs to myself, giggle about funny memories, review old conversations and a thousand things more. The end result of that is that sometimes my mood does sink, sometimes I feel sad about things that didn’t go as I had hoped. More often than that I find inspiration though. I get new ideas and insights. I usually end my trips with a ton of notes about things I’d like to write about.

It took me a long time to discover this need in myself and an even longer time to accept it. I’m happy I did though. It’s one more step towards getting to know who I am deep inside and what I need. One more step, or maybe I should say one more stretch of road underneath my wheels.